Everyone likes to be addressed in the right way. With the right name and the right pronouns. For most people, this goes without saying. But for people who are transitioning to a different gender, or for non-binary people, it still sometimes presents embarrassing situations.
And sometimes this is understandable. When you have known someone as a woman for a long time and he is in transition to man, sometimes it takes some getting used to. Especially if someone is still at the beginning of the transition and there are still echoes of the birth sex. But for that person, it can be very painful. Often it took someone a lot of effort to come out of the closet. And then it is extra hurtful when that person is still addressed with the old gender. This is called misgendering. Non-binary people also deal with this on a regular basis.
A new name and a form of address you are not used to may take some getting used to for the other person. Yet there are also situations where this does not seem to be a problem at all. Consider recently the Pope. For 69 years his name has been Robert, but no one is bothered by the fact that he is now called Leo. And that he is addressed as Sanctitas Vestra (Your Holiness).
Non-binary people often choose a new name, but also have to deal with pronouns that we are not always used to in the Netherlands: hen/hun or die/diens.
Singular they, for everyone
Hen/hun has occurred in Anglo-Saxon countries for centuries as they/them and is called “singular they” there. Sometimes this form of address evokes resistance here, with the objection, “Them is plural, isn’t it?” But it is merely a matter of habituation. After all, we also use the word they effortlessly as both singular and plural. So give it a try.
Those/those are also nice pronouns and could actually be used for anyone. Like in Turkish. There, o is used for men, women and so non-binary people. In Finnish it is hän, in Indonesian dia, and in Hungarian ő. So a pronoun for everyone is not at all unusual.
So try to address people by their correct names and pronouns, to the other person it makes a world of difference. And a mistake once will not be blamed on you. But be alert to it, and be aware of your words. Maybe you can even contribute to more inclusion by using those/those by default. That may take some getting used to, but eventually it becomes commonplace.
But with the proper use of he/she/they you will make many people happy.
